Day 10 : Shades of Grey

It's on the days you least expect it that the wind knocks you right off your feet. I recall a time when we went camping with our three little girls. We loved the area we were camping in so much we decided to make an offer on a house in the valley. 

Camped high up in the mountain mobile phone coverage was not great. Dean was off down the way looking for wood for the fire and I had my number two child in the tent with me. I could hear the other two little ones playing outside the tent when my bank manager called me on the phone. 
The tent was the only place I could get reception. After talking for a couple of minutes it became very quiet just outside the tent. 

You know what they say when children are quiet they are up to something...
These two little ones, a five year old and my 2 year old were gone. My heart sank. We were camped at the prese pis of the mountain. The walking trails had sheer drop off points all around. I called out there names and no one answered. I was like a wind up toy getting more and more frantic as the minutes went on. My blindman managed to make his way back to the tent hearing me calling out to our girls. What a predicament I was in. One sighted parent and one who could not go looking for them in the bush if he tried. I asked fellow campers if they had seen them. Others who were total strangers within our camping circle decided that they would start searching down the trails. Quickly the word got around that there were two little girls lost in the bush. I felt panic stricken, I wanted to cry, I wanted to be sick and I all I could do was to stay put and wait. Petrifying fear came over me. The ranger asked me a few questions, then he radioed to another ranger on one of the trails where the sheer drop offs were. It was about 20 minutes at that point since I last heard the children playing outside the tent. 

Finally some treckers were returning from a hike and they said they had spotted my two girls, about 1lkm down the trail. It hadn't occurred to the treckers that there was anything a mis because they were hiking with two adults and another child. The kind people turned on their heals and ran down the track to find the happy hiking party. 

For one brief moment relief came over me but that was short lived. While I sat there waiting for them to return all sorts of thoughts went through my mind. Who were the people they were with? Were the people good people or bad? What were their intentions with my girls? How could I have been so stupid to leave my girls playing outside the tent. I hope they come back uninjured. What if the treckers can't find them now. I paced around the tent waiting, waiting, waiting. For a moment it felt like time had stopped and stood still, until finally my five year old apeared from between the scrub with a big grin on her face...the two year old was being carried in the arms of one of the tracking rescuers. I was overcome by a mix of emotions, relief being they were back safe, joy that they were back, anger that they had gone hiking in the first place with out their parents, confusion as to why they decided to follow strangers down the mountain...so may emotions, which one do I pick as an appropriate response. 

Our Trio of Happy Campers 

I think this was a practice run in life of how to respond to my girls. This disappearing episode only happened once but there have been many times I have felt these same emotions. With four teenage daughters this blind man and I have had many an occasion where life seems to be going along nicely and then one of them will do something so stupid that you think their brain and heart are totally not connected. Sometimes it's not just one of them making decisions that concern us, some times we get hit with a double and a triple whammy, all in the one day, one afternoon or sometimes with the one 1 minute. 

No wonder with these roller coaster of emotions parents literally go grey overnight... I see now why by the time people are in their fifties their hair looks white, and frown lines appear over their brows...(I'm ready for Botox now) these are all parents of children who have become teenagers. If I was a drinker I would be an alcoholic. It's no wonder people check into wellness retreats or like us sign up for Anthony Robbins programs to help keep our emotions in check. Other wise I would be put in a mental home wrapped in a straight jacket rocking back and forth on the edge of my bed. 

I have a good friend name Julie and I hadn't seen her for many years because we lived far apart. I bumped into her at church and she being a trained social worker looked at my warn out face and reminded me that teens are crazy. It's not parents who are crazy it's their misfiring brained children. She placed her hands each side of my face and told me not to worry. Then left me with a loving bear hug and reminded me that you just gotta love them through it and try to mitigate any major damage they can do to themselves during their crazy time.

Tony Robbins and our church both taught me just to love...so now when the moon is full, or when the house is high on emotion I channel my inner zen. Tell them all, I love them, and wait for the crazies in them to die down. We still don't know if this is great parenting but the blindman and his wife have got to weather this storm just for another ten years or so. Let's see how grey our hair has turned by then hey!