Day 58: Strawberry Fields Forever

Today we went strawberry picking with our youngest daughter. It has been something we have enjoyed doing with all our girls and it is a lovely opportunity to spend quality time in nature with each child helping their blind dad chose the best strawberries to pluck from the plant and share with him as a nice treat after. As we walk each row Deano thinks he's got a good ripe berry but after picking a few dud ones, pale and underripe our youngest educated him on how to feel for ones that are ready for picking..."Dad they have to feel plump and waxy with a smoothness on the skin that makes you want to eat it" was our 12 year olds instructions. Precious memories are something I hang onto dearly because I know from experience that in the years ahead these innocent children change into teenagers. 

Strawberry picking with all four girls in 2009

Strawberry picking in 2009 when Deano had enough sight to pick without help form his children

In 2009 our youngest and oldest in the field

Strawberry picking with our youngest daughter today helping him chose a ripe juicy strawberry

Can I just say that when your daughter is 12 it is the happiest year and the saddest your of your life. I know this from experience, having 4 daughters it has been our observation  that in that year when they are preteen they are agreeable, want to help (most of the time) with anything you ask of them.(except the washing up) They are friendly and happy towards others, they have nice friends who are also acting in a nice girly manner, they like to pretend play still with your high heals, they are beginning to take pride in their appearance, they are ready to graduate into high school and are pretty much the happiest they will ever be until they are well into their 20's. 

So what happens to them in their teenage years? We seem to lose the daughter that we have raised with loving cherished care and in her place someone new moves in. 
The new person is someone who we were not expecting but were warned of by many friends and family. 

The new child is one we love all the same in spite her new personality, her challenging moments...(and there are many) and her ridiculous amount of ridicule of her parents about how out of touch we are, about how we have know idea and about how we as parents are so daggy.  To go shopping now this new child instead of wanting to walk with her parents will mosey behind us about 20 feet behind obviously too embarrassed to be seen with her parents in public...although when the she is shopping with her blind father alone she will assist him and help guide...in this situation I have two choices, 1. To consider myself as the daggy parent they don't want to be seen with or number 2. their sense of humanity kicks in when they see their blind Dad struggling to find his way when he is on his own. I chose to think it's the latter.

 I recently read a book called Useful Belief by Chris Helder. He explains that in every situation we can chose how we think about the meaning of each event that happens in our life. In order to have a positive attitude to life is it useful for me to believe my teenage children don't love me, nope! Is it useful for me to believe their teenager stance  that I have been a bad parent when they say they don't want to abide by our stupid parental rules of no alcohol or drugs or partying, nope!  It's much more useful to believe that parents create rules to keep their children safe, give boundaries and help protect our children from a world that would take advantage of their innocence. To us it's far more useful to believe that surely we are not the only parents on earth that have household rules and that we have raised our children the best we know how.

I can't say that we as parents get it right all of the time. Yes there have been raised voices and anxious moments but it's useful to believe that this is all part of life with teenage people living under your roof. So whilst it's a struggle now at this point in our lives as our older girls are turning into young adults and still making choices that we would not consider wise and have consequences that affect those around them, it is useful to believe that some day soon..perhaps in their early to mid 20's life will change, hormones will be balanced and and the preciousness of the 12 year old relationships we had with them while picking strawberries with their Dad in a field ready to harvest, will return, we just have to be patient and wait for that time...and hope and pray they don't do too much damage to themselves in the meantime.
 That's my useful belief and I'm sticking to it! 

Strawberry selfies 

Ps another useful belief for all parents of teenage girls is Karma, one day they will be mothers of teenage girls too! No more needs to be said!