Day 60: I Can't Believe We Made It!!!

The four men at the start in Perth

Being that it's the last of my 60 day post challenge it wouldn't be the Nicholson's story without blogging about a major defining event that happened to my husband and his brother in April 2010. Late 2009 my brother-in-law approached my husband at a family BBQ with his plan for both of the boys to ride their bikes across the Nullarbor...actually not just this really long road but to ride from Perth in Western Australia right across the country to Sydney NSW, 4124 kilometres to be precise! I could see the excitement of the adventure in Deano's face. I agreed to supporting the boys if the family could be included. 

The men pose in their training gear

I had worked full time for many years supporting my husband in his pursuit of his dreams this would be a great opportunity for our family to celebrate and give me a long awaited break from the day to day grind of working day in and out to help support my family. However as life has it the plans for the ride did not go as I had hoped. With funding not reaching the levels as planned people who were not a necessity for the ride were cut from the opportunity, unfortunately this meant I didn't make the cut...can you believe it...Dean's wife and children had to stay behind while he was experiencing life. To say I was disappointed is a total understatement. I was devastated. I felt like I was being left once again to hold down the fort whilst my husbands journey in life was given an opportunity to fill his cup once more whilst mine stayed very empty. When I expressed this to my husband,  with tears in my eyes,  I sobbed at the disparity of our lives I truly felt I had been robbed. He had been afforded time to study...not once but twice...and had a dream job where his boss supported him in accomplishing a feet that not even elite athletes had  conquered in the period of time the boys had allowed themselves to prepare.  

My anxiety grew over the months leading up to his ride. I was sad at the opportunity I was missing out on and I was bitter that he couldn't find a way to include us in the journey. It was becoming such an issue that divorce was on the cards. I felt totally ripped off and my husband because he had been given all his life help by others to persue  his dreams just couldn't understand why I would be so upset. Not even on the day he left did we his family get to wave him goodbye at the airport...because I had to go to work to pay the mortgage. Do I sound bitter? At the time this feeling (I am ashamed to say, but hey I'm only human after all) was extremely embedded in my personality. It definitely was a time I was letting my feelings get the better of me.

Sir Richard Branson sponsored their flights over to Perth 

The week prior to them leaving Brisbane there was an article in the local paper. Daughter number 3 school teacher gave me a call and asked me if the school could follow along with the ride. She had made a map of the journey and put it up on the classroom wall with two little tandem bikers she moved along each day to the towns the men had ridden through. She had done an Internet search and found all the media interviews that were happening along the way, the blog that was being written by their media specialist and all the pictures of Deano and his brother as the cycled across the country. The school started  raising funds to donate to Vision Australia and little did she know this teacher was teaching me to get out of my head and get into my heart with some pride for the husband that had put his life on hold to bring awareness of vision impairment to a nation of people who may have been unaware of the challenges and also the abilities of those who suffer with this in their life. Yes I was tired and yes I had given up a lot over the years and yes this was yet another opportunity I had been sidelined for...but do you know what I had to see this differently and then and only then would I feel differently because these feelings were not useful to me at all. I had to see it through the adventurous eyes of a year 6 child, one who is watching two men accomplish greatness without any limiting beliefs

The two out the front of Vision Australia office

As I saw the faces of the people who were there to cheer them on in each town I slowly lost those hurt feelings each day. To hear the voice of Alan Jones interviewing the boys as they were in the middle of the outback not once or twice but three times it helped change my demeanour about  being the one left behind. Each day we did our usual thing, get up, get the girls to school, go to work, clean the house, do the washing and prepare food for the family, and  do it all again the next day...but at the end of the day as I went to bed I would share with the girls where their Dad was on his journey and read to them the media coverage for the day. The first two weeks seemed like an eternity. It was in the third week we started to feel like we had gotten use to Dad not being there and it just felt like routine for him not to be around helping with all the housework chores that we were accustomed to before he went on his ride...(did you hear that men...even the Blind man does household chores no excuses) 

The men stop off and rest and take a selfie on Australia's longest road

At the end of the third week the girls and I decided we wanted to be apart of the action and made a plan to surprise their Dad. We broke my credit card out of the back of the cupboard and booked flights for five of us to meet the boys on the side of the road in our nations Capital City Canberra. We followed them from Canberra to Sydney where we were part of a crowd of spectators watching these men ride to victory via police escort through the streets of Sydney right through to the iconic Sydney Opera House. It was a joyous morning one I will never forget. The hurt and anger was literally washed away when I saw the now svelte and athletically  conditioned man in Lycra come and give me a huge hug and kiss on the shores of one of the most romantic places on earth. 

Media Picture of the four men

Now there was plenty of media around this massive journey...these men making the record books being the first blind men to cycle across the country and raising much needed funds and awareness for Vision Australia. I will post the blog links and Videos at the end of this blog post. I just felt I needed to share with you some insight into how I personally felt, perhaps to bring some closure to an event that while it was considered fantastic for the achievement of these men, could have also been a tragedy for me personally if I let it. Six years on I am proud of their efforts and wouldn't change a thing even if I could...this experience brought to my Blind husbands attention that his wife who is always willing to give also needs her opportunity to have her cup filled. It has brought hope to many blind people all over the world that they can achieve whatever they put their mind to. The ride has taught the year 6 children at Moorooka State School here in Brisbane that in spite of the ordinary life can be extraordinary if you let it, and the ride taught me life is what I chose it to be, that it's okay to be the support crew and a groupie as long as the superstar comes home to his number 1 fan...Me! 

The four men on the road

The four men make it to Sydney

 PS I personally want to acknowledge the two sighted riders that assisted in the tandem ride across the country. Their efforts for 4 weeks helped these two men accomplish their dream and without these two men, Grant Williams and John Eder and the others that they trained with leading up to their ride it couldn't have happened. And so it is with all those unsung hero's who assist others to achieve in life today, I tip my hat to you. Often you are overlooked and under appreciated but not today my friend. I have learnt one important lesson. Life isn't about significance and it's is all about giving service with a little dash of love on the side, however it is the significance in the service where you find yourself and where you will find your greatest joy. Therein lies the answer to true happiness. "Wax on Wax off" Mr Miyagi Karate Kid

Day 59: Sixth Sense

Travelling in the car today Deano with his face screwed up like he had bitten into a lemon asks "What's that smell, it smells like someone died in the backseat and we need to call a hurst to come and pick it up" One of our daughters had just removed her shoes and awkwardly embarrassed about her foot odour said she would throw her shoes into the boot of the car at the next stop. Until then it was windows down for the rest of us. For Deano to pick the smell up before it hit the noses of the rest of us is just one example of his heightened senses due to his blindness.

Lorin his brother who is also blind is somewhat famous in the cooperate speaking world. His guitar playing is astronomical with the way his is able to massage those strings to tell the world a story musically amazes people all over. His sense of touch is a gift that has sent him to stages he never expected as to be preforming on, sending a message to all within earshot that blindness can be overcome. Lorin is a motivational speaker and as such he gets to meet and associated with leaders all over the world. 

Yesterday he rang us and told us about the dinner date he had with General Stephen Day who is in command of the Australian Defence Force. Lorin being the excitable story teller that he is had us captivated whist He relayed to us the topics of conversation they covered over the dinner table. One such topic that Lorin asked the General about was what it was like to be in combat. Lorin imagining every nerve way in your body being electrifyingly heightened. General Day agreed with Lorin's  conclusion of what happens to your body when you are under attack saying it's your hearing you rely on before your vision, taking note of rustling noises in bushes, and other noises that will help save ones life in combat. Smell is another sense that is also alerted under extreme circumstances and often a returned soldier can be taken back to a scene of extremity just by the waft of something in the air as he is mentally right back on the battle field by a simple scent.

Lorin Father of Four, Motivational Speaker and world renowned guitarist, Louise mother of three, holds a Bachelor of Linguistics and is raising her children with her husband whilst he does his internship as a Doctor  in the US and Deano Father of four and holds a Degree in Natural Science and another in Business. All very accomplished through using all their senses to make them accomplished in whatever field they have chosen. The three of them inspire me everyday.

And so it is with these blind men and their blind sister Louise, whom is also an amazing mother of 3 daughters. I often hear comments that bring to my attention something I have not heard in my surroundings, just like the times my husband  hears our teenagers downstairs on the phone whispering sweet nothing to her boyfriend at 2am in the morning when she should be sleeping. ( so why can't he here me calling his name when I want some help with the chores...selective hearing I think they call it!) Deano's sense of smell has saved our lives one time. We were all asleep in bed and Deano returned home late from a meeting to find a fire in the kitchen contained to the stove where I had accidentally left the baby bottles boiling away to sterilise them. The smell of smoke I was blissfully unaware of until he burst through the door and woke me up. He said he could smell it as he approached the front door. The entire house had a blanket of thick smoke that had floated to the ceiling space. Evacuating the girls and myself and putting out the flames it was his sense of touch and smell that helped us out of what could have been a terrible outcome for all. Once again with his sense of touch Deano even to manage to find a tiny tick on the head of our toddler as he was brushing her hair one time when we were out camping. There is no way I would have found it before she was sick. His hearing is so acute that if I was to drop a coin even on carpet he is able to tell me that I had dropped money and tell me what denomination it was. 

Our children over the years have learnt that although their Dad can't see they don't seem to get away with too much because what they have realised is Dad has a six sense...it's called his wife...and what Dad can't see I can and it's for this reason we make an awesome couple of parents. Just like General Day ready to go into battle against the world, with all of our senses switched on we go about our day trying to protect our family with honesty, love and integrity. It's not been an easy journey but nothing good is ever easy! 

Louise with her baby daughter meeting our Dog Bruce in the park

Day 58: Strawberry Fields Forever

Today we went strawberry picking with our youngest daughter. It has been something we have enjoyed doing with all our girls and it is a lovely opportunity to spend quality time in nature with each child helping their blind dad chose the best strawberries to pluck from the plant and share with him as a nice treat after. As we walk each row Deano thinks he's got a good ripe berry but after picking a few dud ones, pale and underripe our youngest educated him on how to feel for ones that are ready for picking..."Dad they have to feel plump and waxy with a smoothness on the skin that makes you want to eat it" was our 12 year olds instructions. Precious memories are something I hang onto dearly because I know from experience that in the years ahead these innocent children change into teenagers. 

Strawberry picking with all four girls in 2009

Strawberry picking in 2009 when Deano had enough sight to pick without help form his children

In 2009 our youngest and oldest in the field

Strawberry picking with our youngest daughter today helping him chose a ripe juicy strawberry

Can I just say that when your daughter is 12 it is the happiest year and the saddest your of your life. I know this from experience, having 4 daughters it has been our observation  that in that year when they are preteen they are agreeable, want to help (most of the time) with anything you ask of them.(except the washing up) They are friendly and happy towards others, they have nice friends who are also acting in a nice girly manner, they like to pretend play still with your high heals, they are beginning to take pride in their appearance, they are ready to graduate into high school and are pretty much the happiest they will ever be until they are well into their 20's. 

So what happens to them in their teenage years? We seem to lose the daughter that we have raised with loving cherished care and in her place someone new moves in. 
The new person is someone who we were not expecting but were warned of by many friends and family. 

The new child is one we love all the same in spite her new personality, her challenging moments...(and there are many) and her ridiculous amount of ridicule of her parents about how out of touch we are, about how we have know idea and about how we as parents are so daggy.  To go shopping now this new child instead of wanting to walk with her parents will mosey behind us about 20 feet behind obviously too embarrassed to be seen with her parents in public...although when the she is shopping with her blind father alone she will assist him and help guide...in this situation I have two choices, 1. To consider myself as the daggy parent they don't want to be seen with or number 2. their sense of humanity kicks in when they see their blind Dad struggling to find his way when he is on his own. I chose to think it's the latter.

 I recently read a book called Useful Belief by Chris Helder. He explains that in every situation we can chose how we think about the meaning of each event that happens in our life. In order to have a positive attitude to life is it useful for me to believe my teenage children don't love me, nope! Is it useful for me to believe their teenager stance  that I have been a bad parent when they say they don't want to abide by our stupid parental rules of no alcohol or drugs or partying, nope!  It's much more useful to believe that parents create rules to keep their children safe, give boundaries and help protect our children from a world that would take advantage of their innocence. To us it's far more useful to believe that surely we are not the only parents on earth that have household rules and that we have raised our children the best we know how.

I can't say that we as parents get it right all of the time. Yes there have been raised voices and anxious moments but it's useful to believe that this is all part of life with teenage people living under your roof. So whilst it's a struggle now at this point in our lives as our older girls are turning into young adults and still making choices that we would not consider wise and have consequences that affect those around them, it is useful to believe that some day soon..perhaps in their early to mid 20's life will change, hormones will be balanced and and the preciousness of the 12 year old relationships we had with them while picking strawberries with their Dad in a field ready to harvest, will return, we just have to be patient and wait for that time...and hope and pray they don't do too much damage to themselves in the meantime.
 That's my useful belief and I'm sticking to it! 

Strawberry selfies 

Ps another useful belief for all parents of teenage girls is Karma, one day they will be mothers of teenage girls too! No more needs to be said! 

Day 57: Just Breathe

It's drawing near to the end of the first month of Spring heralding in the silly season of festive work place drinks and parties, Christmas decorations and music piping through shops, school end of year celebrations, graduations of all sorts, school, seminary, sporting club break up parties and lots of carnivals and fetes to attend. Yes in Australia there is literally 3 months of counting down to the big day when the fat man in the red suit comes to visit all the good children in the world and Christians celebrate the birth of Christ.
As I sat there watching the children playing at an inflatable water park behind the cafe lunching, sun basking down on children splashing with laughter and calling out to friends to chase them through the shallow pools it brings an eyrie uneasy sense of reflection to my soul.

It was the day after Christmas, here in Australia it's known as Boxing Day...back in the day of royalty and aristocrats traditionally the wealthy people who could afford Christmas lunch would box up their left overs and give them to the poor and needy in the community. Now days Boxing Day is usually spent going to the post Christmas sales. This particular year was 10 years ago when our youngest was just turning 2.

We had purchased and moved  into this new house only 4 months earlier and had paid a swim instructor to teach the girls how to swim in the new pool. The instructor was great with the older three girls and had them swimming proficiently enough to save themselves and get to the side of the pool if they were to fall in. Our fourth little one, being as shy as a mouse, refused to get into the somewhat cold water during the lesson period and as such didn't grasp the concept of the life saving instructions.

Being a cautious mother I was really aware of the dangerous reality of the likely hood of her drowning if she got into the pool enclosure unattended. On the morning of the 26th of December  I shared my concerns with my husband about being afraid that she was unable to swim and like the concerned parents that we are we created a plan so that she would be safe. Our plan was to buy a swim suit with floatation built in. All the while we were outside having a swim with her in our arms encouraging her to blow bubbles and paddle with her feet. Just a regular morning with two regular parents doing what regular parents do. Dean is such a capable father and I have never had any concerns with him doing any of the fatherly type duties...he changed nappies, fed bottles, heated or cooked meals from scratch, dressed the girls, helped with laundry, strapped the girls into their car seats, made their beds, helped pick up their toys and anything you could think of he would do so I never considered or thought twice about leaving our 2 year old in the swimming pool area with her Dad when I went into the house for a shower.

Announcing to Deano that I was getting out of the pool thinking that he understood he was then in charge of our toddler, I went into the house, got undressed and started the shower. There was only one problem...Deano in his mind thought that I had the toddler with me when I left and to my horror I heard him scream my name at the top of his lungs a sound so alarming that I hope I never hear this terrifying scream again. I turn on my heals look out the back window to find my husband dragging my drowning toddler, whose body lay face down floating in the pool, out of the water  Horrified I let out my own blood curdling scream. Slipping and skidding on the polished wooden floors I managed to run through the house literally butt naked grab the phone and proceeded to call for an ambulance as I ran towards my baby now lying on her back on the edge of the pool while my husband started to do mouth to mouth resuscitation. Between the two of us we counted the breaths but still no response. Looking up I saw the chart for resuscitation mounted on the wall reminding me of the importance of the recovery position. My childcare first aid training kicking  into my thoughts at the same time...never would have known I would be using this on any child let alone my own! We moved her body onto her side and with that water thrust out of her lungs. Eyes still rolled back in her head a few coughs and then nothing again. Dean then proceeded with mouth to mouth...all the while the person on the other end of the phone was assessing the critical situation....for what seemed like an eternity (in reality was probably only a minute or two) we didn't see any life indicators. Just when we thought all was lost  her little body started breathing on its own. But we weren't out of the clear her breathing was stopping and starting like a toy running out of battery power . I felt we were losing. At this point I don't know if you believe in miracles but a I truly testify that a miracle happened this day.

As the door bell rang I ran to grab a towel of the fence to cover my nakedness and clambered towards the front door...but before I did I with total faith and chocking back the tears I said to my husband "Stop what you are doing and pray for our little girl, give her a blessing I know it will work."
As I brought the ambulance drivers thought the house and to the pool area the sight before our eyes was a true testament of Gods love for me and my child. There I witnessed a little girl standing up and embracing her blind Dad with her arms wrapped around his neck in a cuddle that would envy all cuddles.
Surprised at the scene the ambulance worker asked "Wasn't  this child just a minute ago unconscious and not breathing?" Wow just wow!
It took a day of recovery in the hospital on oxygen before they release our little girl back into our care.

Someone was really watching over us this day. Sometimes it's not always easy to say that Dean is not able to do all things in life...without instructions...if only I had told him verbally that his daughter was in the pool area with him and not just assumed he understood, the outcome would have been a lot more different for us and our little girl on this day. However I must say that although he failed through no fault of his own to care for his little girl for the shortest period of time, he was an amazing blind Dad feeling for her heart beat, feeling and listening for her breath on his face and giving her the breath of life and this time he really came through with his trust in a higher force, some call it the universe, some call it Allah, Others call it Buda but we call Him Heavenly Father and it's through our faith and Gods grace that our girl is alive and well today. For this we will always be grateful.

Day 56: "First World Problem"...I know!

"Never let a problem to be solved be more important than a person to be loved." Thomas S Monson. While I love my husband there are so problems we have come across due to him being blind. One of these problems we come across quite regularly and I don't think unless you are sight impaired you would ever think about it. 

We had driven into a crowded parking lot hoping to get a Friday night park so we could go to a local Resteraunt. It had been a very long day at work and after being together for so long date night is a conscious choice because it is so much easier to snuggle up in bed and watch a movie for the night than make the effort and get all dressed up, put my face on, spend time teasing my hair and go out on the town with a man who does not see the effort I go to but appreciates that I care to make myself look nice for him. Yes I am not a natural beauty...not too sure that even exists but this is all getting off the topic of the problem I want to talk about in this post. 

I will continue...we are in the parking lot going at about 5klms per hour when the taxi in front of us comes to a stop. Not at the side of the road but blocking the traffic in both directions...right in the middle of both lanes....waiting...waiting...waiting...yes there is no where to go so we are waiting for what seemed like a very long period of time and my patience because I am tired is wearing a little thin. There seems to be no movement in the taxi...at least not that I could see through the tinted windows...the taxi driver better not be waiting for someone to get in, because how rude making us wait too...and the waiting continues and I start losing the little bit of Friday night patience I had in reserve to last me the rest of the awkward evening (only awkward because I am strung out with tiredness due to a week of work and all I really want is a quick feed and a man with his arms wrapped around me tucked in our bed as I watch a Friday night movie and he listens to my poor explanations of what is going on in the movie plot!) I finally lose my cool...just a little...and give the rude taxi driver who has delayed my date a toot with my horn...not an angry toot but a toot that says there is traffic waiting behind you if you hadn't noticed kind of toot!
Still no response for a moment...I was hoping the driver would move on but alas no. Then we have some action the passenger door slides open and the first thing I see it a white fist sized ball, a red stripe and then a white cane. Well I feel like an ass right now don't I? But I have to ask the question why did the taxi not stop in one of the disabled parking bays...oh that's right...this is Queensland and this state in Australia doesn't give disabled parking permits to those who are blind passengers in a vehicle. So this is the problem...why does the traffic rules from state to state in this wide brown land differ?

When Deano and I were dating, parking was a problem for a whole other reason, for which my mother made many strict rules so she didn't become a grandmother before her time! We were pretty good kids so we kept the rules the best we could but being from New South Wales I wonder if my mothers parking laws would change like the law makers of the land from State to State???She could have been a grandmother so much earlier...blind people are pretty good in the dark after all! (Perhaps I shouldn't write that...this might be being read by thousands of people and it's supposed to be a responsible editorial piece after all)

Back to the real post reason...in New South Wales their ruling is that each person transporting a sight impaired companion is entitled to park in a disabled parking bay. Knowing that it is difficult for a blind person to enter a shopping centre on their own they allow the driver to pull up into an appropriately close marked parking bay. Since  moving to this beautiful state of Queensland the biggest difficulty has been navigating our way through parking lots with cars moving about, reversing out of spots and all the time trying to do this with a blind man and 4 small children. Take the children out of the picture the problem still stands. How many times has Deano walked into  a cars side mirror, or bash his shines on tow balls that stick out behind vehicles as he tries to stay as close to the side of the parking lot lane so he is not collected by passing by shoppers looking for a good spot to place there car. What if like this taxi driver I just wanted to pull into the shops to drop him off safely without guiding him into the shops myself. Now I am not speaking for Queensland transport when I suggest that they must believe that all blind people would have a sighted companion to help them. Of course we all know that this is not a true statement, many blind people walk unassisted so I don't understand the logic of not allowing them to get to their destination safer by just letting them have a simple pass on the car that allows their driver to park in a safe place so the blind passenger occupant can enter the shopping centre safely.

Now back to the original statement..."Never let a problem to be solved be more important than a person to be loved." Yes this is a minor issue and yes we have been tackling this problem for more than ten years now so I guess it has given me the opportunity to show my husband just how much I love him by parking where I can get a space and assisting him to navigate the lanes of traffic to safely deliver him into the shopping centre. Yes we have taken out a few mirrors together, and yes he has had many bashed in knee caps from tow balls but when all is said and done these little trials in our life are just that, little, and if we focused on them constantly such issues could become major and where is the fun in that! Perhaps our new dating idea could be to go to the local drive in Cinema...where neither of us has to leave the car to watch the movie and there is pleantly of parking to be had...now that's a date night parking idea worth exploring!

Our local drive in Cinema

Day 55: Sunday Confessions

Just when you think you knew it all about living with a person who is blind then think again...I know nothing Sansei! 

Picture of The blindmans wife and the Blindman at a recent wedding

Yesterday taking my daughter to a cake decorating class one of the instructors and I were talking about different techniques of applying icing...riveting I know! (Insert winkie face here) I offered to show her some of the creations I had made and proceeded to tell her this blog address so she could see the pics I posted yesterday of the cakes I had made in the past. She had a little giggle when I told her the web address was theblindmanswife. 

Explaining that it wasn't satirical that I actually was a Blind mans wife she looked at me and said "Wow that's amazing...I am a special needs teacher as my second job and I have worked with blind girl in the past". The lady continued to admire my cakes (blush moment) and then with a pause she said something that I will never ever forget! 

"Do you want to know the one thing I learnt about blindness while I was teaching this little girl?" My thoughts went to a million different learning experience she may have had...cane training...Braille...how to successfully guide a blind person through a crowd...how to use a magnifying glass without causing RSI...how to use screen-reading technology....how a blind person pours a drink...the cure for Retinitus Pigmentosa!!! Nope none of the above.

Looking at her I beckon for her to tell me her knowledge breakthrough. She continued with this next sentence that had me stunned...and feeling a little bit stupid! "Isn't it weird that mostly everyone calls people with some degree of blindness Visually Impaired?"  My response was, I am sure, a little amusing to her because of my black and white demeanour about her question/statement. "Well that's what everyone who has impaired vision is called right?"

Taking a sighing breath she said "Just pause and think about what the English language literal meaning is of describing someone as Visually Impaired. It literally means to you that person looks impaired...perhaps that they look like their face is melted" pulling at her checks she uses her hands to stretch down her face making it somewhat look unattractive. Then with a smile she says "The correct term to use to describe a person with limited sight is Vision Impaired!" Because of course I should have known this for TWENTY FIVE FLIPPING YEARS!!! 

My vision Impaired Man very attractive in his unattractive but fun Sherpas hat 

It's almost taboo in the community of the Vision Impaired...like a person giving a description of a person with colour...I don't think you are supposed to see a persons colour anymore...or describing a persons gender...is that even appropriate these days...I am so confused I just don't know...but this one fact about the English language I should have been all over....how could I have been so ignorant? Well today I have been schooled...by a special needs teacher none-the-less. 

Just in case anyone thought any different because of my uneducated descriptions Deano is Number 1 to me!

From now on my descriptions will be correct and bummer I will have to re-read all of my blog posts and edit the whole bloody lot. (Oops probs just offended someone else with that inappropriate swear word) I will even have to go so far as to now issue a public apology to my ever so attractive husband...whom all these years must have developed s complex because he can't see his own reflection and I have been describing him as the "elephant man" to so many people! Oh and what about his siblings who are also Vision Impaired...I will have to apologise to them for being such a terrible relative and offending them for many many many years. What about everyone else in the Vision Impaired community...oh those poor souls...I am awful! 

So it's with true and utter remorse that I wish to ask for forgiveness to the Vision Impaired community as a whole...you are not unattractive to me... To me you don't look impaired in any way shape or form and I truly and utterly feel ashamed in my lack of command over the English language. I could blame it on my middle class white Australian Sydney  south side upbringing but I am sure in doing so I would offend all of my friends who were Greek, Italian, Croatian, Yugoslavian (we used to call them Wogs back in the day and they called themselves this too...I am sure another taboo today) because who says we were white....some of use pale skinned people have red, brown or even black hair.....we aren't supposed to see colour remember! So I guess I have no one to blame but myself... From now on I will consider myself corrected! My husband is Vision Impaired not Visually Impaired as most Australians would say (or is that just me!) and I consider him to be the most attractive man in the universe regardless of what I have been uneducatedly (if that is even a word!) calling him for so long.

Day 54: I Love You More Than Chocolate!

"I love you more than chocolate" was something I used to say to my husband when we were first married and still do from time to time ..and as any woman knows that is a massive statement to make when it's a few days before the monthlies are due and all that seems to go in the trolley is chocolate of any type of variety...chocolate cereal, chocolate ice cream, chocolate waffles, chocolate cake, chocolate cherries, chocolate milk, chocolate cream eggs! If I could find chocolate in any one of the food groups I would have it go through the checkout before even registering it was soon to be that time of the month...I know this is not just happening to me ladies...or am I just the crazy one here! 

Our wedding day not the best pic of everyone but I just love the way it captures Deano looking at me with a huge smile.

Now that I am a little closer to the second big "M" word that apparently  only happens to women in western countries (as told to me by a women's health nurse that women in Asia don't even have a word for "it" as they rarely go through menopause due to their high intake of soy) so that's something for me to look forward to...letting go of my chocolate buying habit and embracing one that includes the purchasing of hand held fans, moistened towelettes and ice pack thingies to wrap around my neck to prevent me from the overheating of my bodily functions as I crack into the day and night sweats...I think the chocolate has to stay...(probably why my mum caries a block or two in her bag at any time) Beside all of that my husband has loved me through it all and I still love him more than chocolate...even if I have to share it with him...and he can't see how many pieces I have eaten and that's another reason why I love him!

Today Is a day of deep reflection, one of those days where a woman hates to admit that she is another year older...and yet this year is a little different...it's been a year of massive consideration...a year of letting go of control of my own business in order to help my Blindman with his. It's been a year where I have discovered a part of me that never really existed before...the feminine part in all its problematics chocolate loving glory....the part that just says no mater what happens everything will be okay...and it's been a year where I have learnt to see the good in every situation even the ones that suck...because without embracing the suck I won't recognise the great things that can and ultimately do come out of difficulty. 

This blog has given me an opportunity to take a closer look at why things have happened to us as a couple..just like a plain block of Cadbury chocolate compared to a block with a gooey rich centre, life would just be dull without the sticky sweetness that's found in the centre of life...the little bit of drama...the funny mishap and the excitement of new discoveries. I have been married for many more years than I have been single and each day with Deano it has its challenges. I see what he doesn't and he sees me...the real me...more than anyone else has...and that's why I don't mind sharing my Mars Bars with him because I love him more than chocolate. 

Ps he gave me chocolate yesterday a day earlier than my birthday and then told me this morning "I gave you chocolate yesterday"...then hesitated when he heard my groan and quickly said "but I will buy you some more today" that's because he loves me too more than chocolate... 

Note to self: I think we will become diabetics together! Lol! Nope I can't have us both go blind...better tell him to lay off buying me more chocolate, perhaps I could settle for a chocolate birthday cake made in the shape of a handheld fan to help me celebrate my coming of age, I better get in the kitchen get out that Woman's Weekly Birthday Cake Edition and start whipping up a chocolate Fan cake storm! 

                             check out some of my cake creations below                    

Birthday Princess Dolly Varden Cake

Birthday Princess Fiona Cake

Hey Diddle Diddle The Cat Birthday cake

Humpty Dumpty Birthday Cake

Barbie Castle Cake

Day 53: More Jack Sparrow than Mickey Mouse

A friend of mine called me out of the blue and asked if we would like to catch up with himself and his lovely wife for dinner on Saturday. In the next breathe he tells me they are off to the states to follow a life long dream of his wife's to go to Disney Land. It sounds so very exciting and reminded me of the time I traveled to Disney Land with My Blindman and 2 year old firstborn in tow whilst I was 6 months pregnant.

After Deano and I had bought our very first home it was a dream to travel and so we decided to sell the family car to help fund the trip and hit the road before having two little ankle biters to care for. With much anticipation and not travelling overseas as a couple before it was a highly nerve wracking experience...I never anticipated it being so stressful. At this stage Deano had not begun using the cane so there was no indication to other travellers that he had a vision impairment. On top of trying to guide him in the right direction without him tripping over people, carrying our suit cases and chasing a toddler it was all quite a juggling act. Oh and don't forget I had a belly like a whale so bending over to pick up any dropped toys, hand luggage or baby items was not exactly a breeze. 

After being trapped like sardines in a flight that was delayed on the Tarmac for an extra 3 hours our journey to LAX took close to 17 hours. No leg room...or belly room for that matter, we he let the airline know we had a toddler, they only catered for a baby giving her baby food instead...don't they know that feeding a fussy toddler is like s fate worst than death if the food is custard carrots and mushy peas out of a jar, and not cheese sticks and familiar real food...ahhhh..and not getting more than 2 hours sleep you can guess what state of mind this pregnant whale was in when she arrived with her Blindman and by this time a terror of a toddler at the gates of the LAX international airport. I was beside myself. I was an over tired, over emotional, and over hormonal bag of baby carrying, Blindman guiding, toddler chasing waste matter. Actually to say I was wasted was a huge understatement! What happened this was meant to be a trip of a lifetime? I was literally shattered. 

Standing in the airport waiting at baggage claim we watched the luggage go around and around...with LAX being one of the largest and busiest airports in the world there was so much luggage...I am kinda wishing I could recognise out bags! A kindly friend had loaned us some luggage to use, never travelling before I made a massive rookie error when packing...I didn't add any identifying markings on the bags to make it easier for me to recognise them as they travelled around the conveyer belt with what seemed like 6000 other pieces of luggage...yes a pink hair ribbon would have saved my life right now. With Deano's eyes making him redundant to the bag search I watched the luggage rotate for around for 2 hours (may be not that long but it certainly felt like it) not identifying one single piece of our belongings. Panic being my next hormonal reaction to my situation. Foreign country, no clothing, limited funds to replace lost goods and extremely tired I turned to my husband with tears in my eyes and put my head on his shoulder a cried a little from pure exhaustion and a little for the unknown. 

Have you ever had a feeling or some might call it a prompting, like a thought out of nowhere just when you think all is lost...when you are all out of answers...well this was such a time. I got this thought telling me to walk about ten metres around to the back of the carousel. At this point there were three bags no longer on the conveyer belt just left right there like they had been abandoned by their owners...these days people would have the bomb squad out inspecting them but this was 19 years ago when abandons bags and terrorism wasn't an airport related fear!

The moment we reached Hollywood

Now just nineteen hours into our journey we were ready to take on our USA adventure...yep no longer caring about Disney Land all I longed for was a place to rest my spinning head, have warm shower and collapse for the night...or the day...or whatever time it was for how ever long it took for us to feel normal again...

Up on the deck breeze blowing in my hair, much happier way to holiday

Can I say I no longer get the exited to say we are flying overseas...in fact the only overseas holiday we have taken since then have been literally overseas...cruising has been the choice of this Blindmans family ever since. Where the luggage is delivered to your door, the Blindmans wife doesn't have to drive on the wrong side of the road...or in fact drive at all for 10 days..or make meals...or do the washing...or the cleaning...or entertain the children...STUFF DISNEY LAND!!! This is the way to holiday where the rollercoaster is built into the fair when the seas are high and  when I know I don't have to search too far to find a place to rest my weary head, with a choice of 1000 deck chairs and my own bed a stroll down the corridor I would have it any other way.

Ready to Party with my Blindman sailing the high seas

Cruise night fun with two of our girls

Day 52: Do you Stand or Do you Sit?

I want to share something with you that I know has been and still is a very embarrassing situation that happened to My Blindman. So just to let you know I have his permission to share because it was such a hideous situation that I am sure you will agree, if it were you dealing with it, you may never want anyone else to know, but alas it is a reality for people with RP, well men anyway, with this disease and something they need to consider that a sighted person (perhaps only if you were blind drunk) has probably never had to think about.

Do you stand or do you sit?

Let me come back to that question after I paint you a descriptive picture of the situation. Driving in the city yesterday Deano asks me what we are near to get his bearings  and with hesitation I told him the landmark,Qscan. I say this with anticipation of the anxiety it could cause in a man that totally lost it in that very building a few years earlier. With nervous laughter he leans back in his passenger seat and grabs at his legs and adds some commentary..."Hey girls that's where Dad famously..." I will stop there and paint you another scene...the actual scene

Deano was having acute stomach pain and took himself off to the Doctor who ordered an ultrasound to be taken. You see it's not just the ladies that get ultrasounds that consist of drinking 1 litre of water and are asked to hold onto it until after the procedure. With me being at work on this day Deano assisted by Daughter number three caught the bus to the Qscan building. In the waiting room  the duo patiently sat waiting for Dads turn but the scanning technician were running s little late. Ladies, now you know how annoying this can be, especially if you are 6 month pregnant and told to drink a litre and hold it for your ultrasonic enjoyment...NOT!
Finally it his turn to have the cold gel added to his abdomen only to be poked and prodded by an alien looking instrument in order to capture a glimpse of the effected area. As the procedure went on Deano tells me he felt like his kidneys were about to burst but being in true Aussie bloke form he never complained, just sucked it up (pun totally intended) and went with the flow!!!...insert winkie face emoji here!

 On completion Deano is directed to the bathroom which is set right between two of the scanning rooms. Architecturally designed for this very purpose...to relieve the ailments of those who are subjected to  ultrasound water torture treatment.  In a complete frenzy he whips it out and relives his sinking kidneys of the drowning water that was backing up in his pipes. Completely emptying the entire litre and any other fluid that was in his system before he forced in the the excess water prior to the scan.  Deano felt the satisfaction of a job well done and zipped up his pants ready to flush and exit the room. As he went to push on the flusher he could not find the button...in fact the toilet was not there at all...it was to the left of where he was standing...not where he had just emptied his funnel. Oops! Splashing his way out the door he tells the staff member "I think I  peed on the floor" or something of this sort...he didn't really remember what he said being highly embarrassed he just wanted out of there ASAP! The tech takes a few paper towels in with her to wipe up the dribbles she thinks are on the floor only to find that Noah had left the remainder of the earths flood within the walls of the Qsan toilet amenities. Poor woman...Poor Dean!!!

 So I will pose my question again...Do you stand or do you sit? From this point on Deano has decided it sit!

BTW....those disabled toilets are not just for those in wheelchairs...they are used by those who need direction from their spouse or someone who needs to find the toilet without everyone else in the room looking at them, while they use their hands to feel their way to the cold porcelain bowl in a room so Noah never has to build an arc again!