High school can be such a fickle place. You are either in or you are out. Except for me...at my high school I never really felt in or out. Being a Mormon girl, together with my younger sister we made up the whole population of Mormon kids at the school. The teachers loved me cause I was friendly, helpful had good ethics when it came to my work in class and was I was honest.
After moving from the big smoke of Sydney and attending an all girls high school up until year 10 it felt strange to start at a co-ed school in this Northern New South Wales Lismore region. Up until this point in time I was an "A" grade student. When the shift came I struggled to find my place in my new belongings. Non the less I did find a lovely group of friends, ones that were neither popular or considered nerds. Most of my friends where your average country kids, most having to travel like me from far and wide to get to school on the old Kirklands bus line. I felt like that old bus was my second home. After having to travel on it for at least an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon it felt like my social life consisted of an eternal bus ride. That's probably why my best friend Debi and I clicked so well.
When we first moved to the district my parents had not sold their house in Sydney. The day they went to sell at Auction was in 1989, Paul Keating the Australian Treasurer, Bob Hawk was our Prime Minister and the whole country was just struck with 18% interest rates...needless to say the house did not sell but my parents took a huge leap of faith and moved us anyway. Coraki being the tiny town that it was and still is did not have any houses to rent so for the first 18 months we lived in the sleepy beachside community of Evens Head in a house that was older than my 97 year old grandmother. Actually the house was the first house built in that area. 1 Cashmore St Evens Head. For that 18 months my sister and I were the very first kids on the bus in the morning at 7.05am, and the very last ones to get off in the afternoon at 5.05pm.
After a couple of lonely days catching the bus when we first moved I decided I needed to make a friend. A tall girl with curly golden hair always got on the bus at the next stop of Woodburn and sat in the seat in front of me. I had noticed at school over the couple of days that I had been there that she was in my grade. Debi was a quiet girl, not real confident in her walk and I think did not want to be noticed by the bullies on the bus so stooped her head down into a book and did not often look up from her pages until we had reached the school over an hour later. I am a real socializer so it appealed to me that she was in my grade and was a quiet person who had a friendly smile and I had a hunch that she was someone whom I knew I could talk to without being rejected. I was right. After traveling on this bus for three days and not saying a word to anyone it was killing me so when Debi plopped herself down on the seat in front of me I introduced myself to her and instantly we were friends, best friends...we still are today. Debi invited me to join her circle of friends and then all of a sudden I had a great group of kids that I could hang out with.
Once Dean and I had gotten engaged the news spread like wild fire at school. I had just settled into school over the course of year 10 and 11 and had made some lovely friends but there was always the kids that didn't like me and so it was a tough event to go through in a way. Preparing for our life together at the same time as preparing for my High School Certificate felt very odd...probably because it was odd. It did not feel wrong just strange. Lots of comments and questions came in from my friends and peers at school. Those that did like me asked all about our wedding plans and those that didn't like me...well those comments were the comments that scared me for a very, very long time...suggestions like..."He's only marrying you cause he is blind, if he could really see you he wouldn't want you" or "If he is so blind then you will never have money" The first statement really cut me to the core. I never felt that I was beautiful but that statement really made me feel worthless and above all it made me feel ugly. Being bullied in this way was a terrible feeling. But I was lucky because I had so many other friends and family supporting me that I didn't totally get to me.
Years passed by and I had 3 children and they went to the same school as the girl who had made those comment to me. I had to face this women often. I don't thinks she would have remembered what she said in those immature teenage years, but I did. It scared me internally. But you know our children became friends and I made myself the decision to forgive her teenage remarks. To this day I learned to love this lady and turn the other cheek. It has been one of the greatest accomplishments of my life...to forgive someone that hurt me badly without even telling them how I felt or needing to say I forgive you out loud. I have learnt that the way I feel about some one or something is a decision I make in my mind. I am not a victim of what others bully me with and I can decide to learn and love from each experience in life. By deciding to love I am a winner.
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