Honeymoon Part 2 Catch of the Day

After a few days of mosquito wet weather we decided it would be nice to head out to the great outdoors outside our tent and throw a line into the river. Don't ask me why we just didn't walk across the road and put a line in there, we drove the little white van to the small seaside town known by the locals as Bogangar  or as the fancy pants tourism industry like to call it Cabarita Beach. It is a lovely spot where there is an estuary that funnels into the sea and a little two lane bridge that connects both sides of the land enabling people to drive or walk from one side of the outlet to the other.

Dean not being fond of fishing or even eating fish was not as keen as me to put a hook on the line. As a kid my Dad had a half cabin cruiser boat and the best times of my childhood were on the water in Botany Bay or the St Georges River in Sydney's south threading a stinky prawn or two on a line and waiting for that elusive catch. Or better still putting an old fish head into a crab net and lowering the pots strategically throughout the bay to catch my Mum and Dad's favourite blue swimmers. Yes these memories of fishing with my Dad early on a Saturday morning were just about the best memories I had as a child growing up in Sydney. My parents weren't sporty and they certainly weren't the type to take us out hiking or experiencing what the great outdoor had to offer very often. Mum had a fear that we would injure ourselves if we played a sport. But Dad did love to fish and with him working very long hours in his business, fishing was an opportunity he could connect with nature and his children at the same time. It was always more fun when there was a bit of a swell on the water and he allowed us to sit on the bow, he would accelerate the boat a little as we went over the rolling wave and then come crashing down into the water on the other side of the ocean caps. All of us girls would scream with fright and laugh at being soaked by the salty spray. We would count how many jelly fish we could see. Some days there was as many as the eye could see, other days they were just in patches here and there and some days there was none at all. Sometimes Dad would pack for the whole weekend and take us to a deserted Island, Trafalga I think was the name of the Island...well it wasn't really an island, it was connected to the main land but by marshy swamps and was close to the oil refineries that line the opposite side of the bay and the only way to get there was by boat. Not far from here is where Captain James Cook took his first steps on land in Botany Bay. So I suppose I developed my love for fishing and camping because it gave me some lovely Daddy-daughter time and an opportunity to get to know my Dad for who he was and not just the 21year army veteran that was a warrant office and lined us all up for room inspection on a Saturday morning. When we moved to Evans Head from Sydney Dad sold the boat but we lived right at the beach that had a fishing trawler inlet with a small bridge that crossed over to the headland. With not too many things to get up to in this sleepy town I would get up early and pack my fishing gear into a bucket and walk my way down the 3 blocks to the bridge and throw in a line. My mum never complained that I filled her fridge with white bait...because that's all I seemed to catch. Not even sure what she ever did with those poor little suckers, probably fed them to the dog, as long as I was happy and busy that's all she cared about.  Yes, I can say fishing gave me so much more than the catch of the day, it inspired priceless memory making opportunities.

So back to my honey moon fishing tale. With not much money to spend and trying to be resourceful  in my pursuits to making great memories I suggested we throw a line in over the bridge. I had packed the little hand reals and a few hooks and sinkers just in case such a situation arose, and felt pretty confident that I could real in a brim, flathead or two. My only downfall, well there was two actually,  to our fishing plans was that we had not planed for a huge catch of the day and only had a very small Eski to put any thing we caught in it. My other downfall was that Dean didn't share the same love for fishing as I had and was really only there to humor me, always relying on my Dad to scale, and gut the fish, in my head this was a male job and totally expected that Dean would have the same hunter and gatherer instinct. (insert fail music "bubum" here)

As I threaded the worm onto the hook, my new husband refusing to touch the slimy suckers and watched over the skyline as the sun was setting and enjoying the light breeze of the salty air on his face. I tossed in the line as far as it could go, swinging it around a little like a lasso and releasing it into the water it seemed to go as far as the mangroves on the far side of the river. It wasn't long before I felt the illusive tug on the line. It felt so exciting. Another tug, and then another. For sure there was something on the line and it was heavy, with loads of drag I reeled the line back in. As the creature came closer and closer there was a wake it left behind it in the water as it was being dragged towards me. Then suddenly it was time to see what was on the end of the line. Low and behold it was a mud crab! A huge mud crab, as big as a diner plate, the dirty looking brown beast had swallowed my worm. Because the light was fading Dean could not see how huge it was. Explaining to Dean how huge this creature from the sea was I let him have the line to feel the weight and as this occurred the crab used its claws and snipped himself free and with that splashed back into the river. Being a little relieved at this point, not being  sure what  we were going to do with such a monster, my next thoughts were to re-thread my line and try again this time for a fish.

Once again I tossed my worm up into the air and let it plop onto the glassy river surface and let it sink to the bottom....within seconds a tug, and then again, this is my night were my thoughts, fried fish for tea, yum! Slowly reeling this in it felt heavier than the last catch, once it got to the surface, to my surprise it was another muddy! Should we cut the line or should we bring it up...we chose to bring it up to the bridge. Dean helped me real it in, the only problem with this decision was that our eski was not going to fit this monster in it and we didn't have a bucket or a pot to cook it in. We lowered the crustacean onto the footpath and tried to cut the line off its body. Not being dead the muddy used its angry crabby claws to try and snip my fingers. Dropping the Wiltshire knife that was given to us as a wedding gift on the ground in front of the beast I motioned to Dean where the crab was and the vicinity of the weapon. Dean bent down to feel for the knife, the whole time I was worried that the creature from the deep was going to chase him and cut of his finger with one clip of his mighty claws but as luck had it the crab scuttled to a small alcove in the footpath to try and hide. I felt bad for the greedy muddy who had a hook in his mouth and must have been in pain. Trying to get the hook out of his mouth Dean got close enough with the knife and attempted cut the line, and as he did our fishy catch grabbed the end of the kitchen knife and would not let go. With the tip of the blade gripped between his claws the crab was not about to let go in a hurry. So there was my blind husband now standing in the dark with our catch of the day asking me what the heck we were going to do with this beast now. A young boy that was standing on the other side of the bridge was intrigued with our catch. He came a little closer for a look. The child said he had been holidaying in the area and was staying in a vacation unit just a little walk from where we were fishing. With that we encouraged him to run home and find the biggest pot he could find and bring it back and we would give him our winnings. With widening eyes the little boys face was like he had won the lottery. Running as fast as his little legs would carry him, the boy returned with a huge pot, placing it at Deano's feet he lowered the crab into its cold metal coffin. With that miraculously the crab released the end of the knife, and the boy thanked us and carefully put the lid on the top. Not sure what his parents would have said to him on his return home but if it had been my Dad he would have been as proud as punch.

We still have that same Wiltshire knife today with the end of the blade permanently bent to the left where it had been once gripped in a crabs claws. Affectionately we know it as the "Crab Knife" It is still the sharpest knife we have in our house and it reminds us of this simple lovely honey moon memory every time I use it.

Honeymoon part 1 In good soil

The parable of the sewer...the seeds that fall in the good soil help us grow. When we were first married I can't say that it was easy. It was hard like the type of soil that you need to till and add soil conditioner to, to make the ground fertile for a fruitful relationship. Just as well there was plenty of love to prepare the ground for the years ahead.

Our honeymoon was one such event that needed quite a bit of TLC for us to appreciate and remember with cherished memories. Not having lots of money to start our journey in life together we were very unmaterialistic in our attitude to what would make an enjoyable honeymoon. In our minds we thought that all we needed is a tent and a beach and we would be set for a good week. Dean's family did offer to pay for a nice hotel for us however being the independent minded young couple that we were we declined the offer and made our own plans, little did we know what was to come of these plans.

On the 4th of January 1992 Dean and I headed into life together as husband and wife. The morning after our wedding day was bliss, we spent the first night in the Hilton at the Sydney airport thanks to a lovely gift form my bridesmaid Jemima. We were greeted with room service, strawberry compote and pastries, to this day is our favourite treat. It was fabulous waking up to my loving husband who greeted me with a huge smile, it was all going great up until I realized I did not pack a hair brush...do you know how painful it is to get teased hair from your wedding day straight again with a finger comb...just as well Dean could not see my drastic looking hair do that morning, sometimes his lack of sight is a blessing!

We flew back to Lismore early in the morning and picked up our little van that my mother had kindly loaned me for the week, and like a pair of Nimbin hippies we took off to our beach side retreat with our tent and airbed jammed in the back. After travelling the winding road for a few hours we showed up at our booked campsite which to our dismay was not on the beach at all...it was on the highway overlooking the Tweed river on the opposite side of the road. Now remember that is the early 90's the internet was not around and so there was limited access to getting any reviews about where you were booking, what I did remember was the yellow pages phone book advert said that it was close to the water so in my mind I thought that was the beach...oh well...We could always drive to the beach or go fishing in the river so was our resolve.

As our wedding day was in prime time holiday period for Australian families we noted that the camping ground that we booked at was overflowing with tourists coming and going in and out of the boom gates. I could barely find a parking spot outside of the area but when I did, I got out of the van and walked a ways to the head office of the complex. Standing in line I patiently waited my turn to check in. I recall thinking wow this really is a very busy place. When it was my turn to speak to the clerk behind the tourist desk she looked through her bookings list and could not find our reservation. Luckily they had sent me a receipt for the money I had paid and so the woman accepted that I must have booked. The only problem was...they were all booked out. Not one 3 x 3 meter spot left for our tent to be pegged.

The lady behind the counter saw the look on my face as my heart sank...and I can give some dreadful looks (just as well Deano can't see them) She had a thought! She suggested that we pitch our tent just next to her office outside the boom gates. With lack of funds and not wanting to spoil our honeymoon I reluctantly agreed. I walked myself back to the parking bay drove up onto the grass strip next to the office and with a forced smile in my voice I told Dean where we were about to set up the tent for our first week of life together...on a strip of grass with highway frontage and water views between breaks in the traffic. Our only consolation was there was a small trickling stream behind the office that made a relaxing water gurgling noise that we could hear late at night when the traffic had calmed down, and the fact that our tent had mozzie screens protecting us from the mosquito infestation that came from the body of water that either from the river or the stream to this day I am not totally sure.

I guess it is the fact that we had each other  that counted the most and with a couple more tales to tell  about our honeymoon hide away you will realize that the soil that you plant you life in needs to be good soil so that when opposition comes your way you can look back and laugh and still  grow strong together.

Wedded Bliss is simple all it takes is a cookie and a kiss

Highly unusual circumstances seemed to be the norm in my life by the end of 1991. Preparing for a small wedding to be held in the Sydney Australia Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints on the 4^th of January 1992 and completing my high school certificate as I made table decorations for my big day seemed an oxymoron. Now that I have 2 daughters that have completed high school and are going onto to university they still appear to be infants to me in this fast moving world and I can’t even imagine them being ready to make a covenant for time and all eternity to anyone. They are still so young and I guess so was I. I have always said perhaps I was young and dumb…but in being that way inclined it was the best thing for me. There were plenty of other dumb thing I could have done…like gotten drunk every weekend, taken drugs, partied to hard, started smoking etc…but no the world does not shame or see these things as dumb…its normal so I have been told. But for my actions people gasp at the thought of one so young taking the life journey with my loved one and choosing to settle down and have a family.  Of course this is not the norm of the world…some people would say I ripped myself off and haven’t really lived. I dare to say that my life has been rich and full.

My parents had to go about finding the funds for my wedding. It was not easy for them as they had just come of the back of the recession that apparently we had to have. Steel fabrication was slow at the time but Dad was resourceful and as the date of the wedding was after Christmas he decided to get his employees to start building old fashioned swing sets and seesaws. You know the ones that they have now ripped out of parks because the wooden seats would swing back and knock a child unconcious with one push…but none the less he set a goal to sell 20 of them before Santa could leave the North Pole. He reached his goal and with that my wedding was paid for.

The day of our wedding came ever so quickly…at first it seemed to take a long time to get to December but the whole month just flew by. The Sydney Temple at the time was the only Temple of its sort in all of Australia. For members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints it is the panicle of all places to be. When you are married within its walls you are not just joined together until Death do you part? This covenant is one you make for Time and All Eternity. It was going to be a big expedition to Sydney. Getting all of my family and a few of our friends to drive the 10 hours and look fabulous on the day was a big ask. It didn’t help that my sister and her boyfriend drove down in their car that subsequently brock down just out of Taree leaving them to hitch hike the rest of the way and leaving us short one bridal car. We look back and laugh about it now but I am sure my mother was having heart palpitations. I know that her right eye developed a sight twitch.

It wasn’t the lavish wedding you see in bridal magazines and websites today. It was a wedding that only members of the church could actually attend for the ceremony part. So you see my Dad being a Catholic meant that he was not present when I tied the knot. It was a little heart breaking knowing that my Dad could not come into the temple to see me get married. This is something he had come to terms with a long time before as he knew this would be the case for any of his children who wished to get married to a Mormon in the temple. To make the day inclusive of my Dad we offered that instead of holding the reception in the regular Mormon Church hall that we would hold it in his favourite drinking spot…The Budapest Club. All of our family and friends who attended were aware of the reason why we chose this venue. It was not pretty, the room was not even big enough to hold all of our guests comfortably, we had to have the bridal table up against the toilet doors in order to fit everyone seated. The wait staff didn’t turn up, the air conditioning broke down, the caterers ran out of food, and the greasy looking photographer that showed up left a sweeping reminder of his unwashed hair across nearly every photo that was taken on the day. But did I care…no…My Dad was happy, I was with my #blindman for eternity and my Mum was relieved.

I did manage to get a few good shots in at the local park in Oatley. These remain my treasured memories and the feeling I got kneeling across the alter to my beloved Dean to make eternal commitments will be one I will never forget. Weather Dean could see me or not it did not matter to me. I felt beautiful and that is all that mattered to me.

I think for my own daughters the thought of them eloping to the nearest Latter-Day Saint temple appeals to me…no fuss…just tell me at the last minute and I will be there…that’s what I have given them instruction to do…That’s if they ever get married…my greatest hope is that they are happy and have eternal joy.

Who needs a guide dog?

"Lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way" These are the words from a popular hymn that they sing in the LDS church (Mormon Church)...now I should refer to my religion as it's proper name 'The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints' but we have known in the world as Latter-Day-Saints, LDS or Mormon. Rarely are we referred to as Christian, but to all that really know us, would realize that we are Christian and believe in Christ as our Redeemer, Saviour and King. The words to this song "I am a Child of God" was a song that I had learnt as a wee little child. When I met Dean it took on a whole new meaning for me.

For this young special man in my life I literally became his guide. A little less in the beginning of our relationship. Dean was able to get himself around the university and all other familiar surroundings, but understandably as we went anywhere new he held onto my arm or hand and I would verbalize where and when to take a step...it took me a while to practice the timing of when to tell him to step as I had to pace my instructions with the timing of our walking and giving him enough time to cognitively comprehend my instructions. There have been times when I miss timed instructions and it almost had dire consequences.

One such time was when we were on a date at Movie world and Dean really wanted to go on the Lethal Weapon Ride. I am not one for roller coasters but I told him I would help him line up in the queue and assist him to board the ride. I completed my task on getting him on the ride but on dismount Dean's understanding of my instructions on where to walk must not have been that great or clear because he almost stepped right of the edge of the platform. I had to yell stop before he took the last almost fatal step and walked right of the end of the netted 4-5meter drop below. At least he stopped at the last minute and after my panicked heart settled to a normal rate I can look back and laugh a little at how absurd we would have looked to the attendants. After all Dean didn't have a cane at this stage therefore anyone around us would have considered him sighted and treated him as such. Dean liked it that way. He was and still is in a way fearful of judgment of others to the point that he didn't want to be seen as different and therefore treated any differently to those around him. Fearful in the sense that he was anxious of being labeled as disabled and thus other people around him limiting his opportunity for living his life to the full.

Dean's parents had raised him and his older brother as if they were sighted children. No special consideration was given to them. Being from a family of 6 children the boys were expected to pull their weight around the house. Expected to mow the lawn, expected to clean their rooms, do the dishes, and clean out the car and wash it every Saturday. It was normal for the boys to deliver junk mail in their neighbourhood for years as teenagers in order to save some pocket money. In every way they had a conventional upbringing so it has been a joyful experience married to a man who has the confidence to carry on with life despite obstacles literally being in our way.

As Dean's sight condition has changed over the time we have been an unchangeable unit in that I have leant to know when Dean needs me to guide him and when I can let go and let him guide me through life. When we get out of the car now Dean has 5 of us in the family that will help guide him through the car park or avoiding objects in shopping centres and the like. Our girls will often say to me "Mum can you take Dad's hand cause that is your job" I just look at them and laugh and say no it's my job to love your Dad and so it is your job and as part of that job you can help your Father too!" This blindness thing is also guiding my children to serve others and in serving others we are serving our Saviour. What a blessing indeed.

Little decisons big learning outcomes

As a teen bride I really didn't consider the impacts of my youthful decisions on my adult life. Huge decisions that at the time did not seem that big. After We got engaged I printed a wedding day count down calendar, used blue tac to stick it to my green chamfer board nun cell convent house walls, under the catholic cross. Although we were brought up as Mormons my father is a Catholic so it didn't offend him at all to leave the crucifix hanging in each of our bedrooms. Perhaps it helped us in remembering what the Saviour suffered for us or perhaps it was that it brought back memories of his own growing up as an alter boy serving the patrons of Saint Mary's Cathedral in Sydney.

My Dad is a good man always looking out for those in the community who are in need and just as he allowed a few of my friends come and live with us and even giving them work at his engineering factory, he was willing to give them all sorts of advice in life. His heart was in the right place but he tended to talk in riddles and so sometimes especially when he had had a drink or two the conversation always seem to come back to metal eurgy and the different properties and types of metal...boring to your average teenage daughter or friend and so we really learnt to love spending time in our rooms bedrooms at night.

I think Dad hoped that one of his four daughters would take over his engineering steel fabrication company, but growing up, after years and years of him lecturing us about this and that to do with steel fabrication and spending our holidays hanging around his dirty dusty fabrication shed it certainly wasn't a career choice for me. Neither was it for any of my sisters, poor Dad if only he had had sons!

At 17 I certainly didn't know what I was going to do with my life. Before I met Dean I could see myself somewhere in the corporate world, in a big office overlooking the city, a CEO of some sort or another. It wasn't exactly a dream of mine but it is something I could see myself doing as my family and all of my report cards from school always commented on my leadership skills. But now I had chosen to take the not so easy path of being a wife and a mother so I really dared to dream of what I could do with my days to make a difference in the lives of others.

There was a child studies course in social science that was on offer and so I decided that I would throw my hat in the ring and see if I could get into that form of study after completing high school. Not that I always wanted to work with children but I felt that I needed training in this area because being a parent (I knew back then) was going to be one of the hardest tasks I would ever complete...and 24 years on I still haven't yet mastered! I can say I did not enjoy the course at all but it did give me some education into how babies and toddlers tick and after completing my Associate Diploma in Social Science( Child Studies) I still didn't know what to do with my life or what I wanted to be...and years later I am still asking myself what do I want to do when I grow up...because working in the childcare industry for years now I have learned to love my job and I often wonder when will I get the chance to make my big person decisions...or maybe this is what big people do...pretend play all day and wait until they go to bed and dream of a day when they will be a big grown up person too!

Over the years I have taken on many rolls of which I am sure to blog about. A wife, a lover, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a manager, a director, an educator...and I am sure there is a long list of other roles that I have performed...but the most important roll is the role that I know that I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me and wants me to succeed in any path that I chose. One who has the ability to serve others and help others reach their devine potential and He has been there every step of the way guiding me through his promptings and still small voice.

Road Kill and green pastures

When Dean and I were engaged it dawned on us that apart from the one day brief encounter with John his Father earlier when he came to visit I had not met any of my blindmans family. I wondered what they would think of me. So we went about making the intrepid phone call. I was nervous about their reaction. It made my stomach churn. Dean as always was cool calm and collected as he dialled the number on our old rotary phone. 

Dean had put me on the phone upstairs as we did not have speaker phone in this days and he asked me to listen because he was sure his parents would be happy for us. So up the winding stairwell I bounded with my nervous heart pounding a million miles per minute by the time I got to the phone at the end of the hall. 

Having a full of stomach butterflies I took a deep breath and I slowly picked up the receiver. The voice that was speaking to Dean on the other end of the phone was a familiar one, a Leads English accent that was still pretty pommie even though Dean's father had lived in Australia since he was 17, I recognised him straight away. 

Dean had already opened the conversation and I thought he had already told his English father that I was listening on the phone upstairs....hmmm but as I listened I realised that this certainly wasn't the case. I heard a concerned parents voice with his fatherly matter of fact advised being dished out on a platter to his son. John was 27 when he married his wife so looking back now I can totally understand why he was concerned as Dean was only 21. He was just looking out for his beloved sons interest and making sure he had made the right decision. I quietly hung up the phone rather disheartened by what was supposed to be a landmark phone call in our lives. 

Dean spoke on the phone for what seemed like an eternity to me. I sat in the stairwell and waited for him to finish the conversation. Once I heard the click of the phone Dean appeared in the hallway. "Well Mum was excited at least" he stated with a consoling look on his face. At this point I was wondering if things were going to change for us because the words and concern of his Father was still disturbing me deeply. Deano on the other hand didn't seem fazed at all. 

"We are off to Tamworth, Mum is keen and excited to meet you and so are the rest of my family."  Excited was not the tone I herd in the phone... I questioned Dean's enthusiasm all the way to the Country Music Capital of Australia. 

It was the furthest I had ever driven in my 6 months of driving and the most nerve racking drive I had ever taken. 6 hours of winding over the Great Dividing Range. Up and down mountains, past beautiful bubbling streams and waterfalls, through thick forests past perfect pastures and dodging uncountable amounts of road kill. Is this journey going to leave my soul like one of those squished pieces of flesh on the middle of the road? I had the most amount of anxiety that I had felt in my stomach that I had ever felt and it went on for hours, in fact it took 6 hours to drive there. Six hours of emotional road kill torture!

We arrived in Tamworth late in the afternoon. Deans father came out of the house over to he car he opened my door and helped me out and gave me the biggest hug. I gave him a little kiss on the cheek and his quick response was "I'll give you 24 hours to stop that" John with his flirtatious charm had allayed all of my fears just in that one sentence. Dean's mother Julie had a lovely big smile and hug ready for her son and new daughter-in-law to to be. All of that anxiety was for nothing. 

Later on in the evening Dean's parents had planned a surprise engagement party for us with all the Aunts Uncles and Cousins.,, there was so much love in this family, I really felt like they did want Dean to be happy and were all delighted with me joining their clan. The outpouring of love and laughter washed all my fears away like the waterfall that I had passed on my journey up the mountain feeding the stream below, I felt an outpouring of love and acceptance the type that only people from the country can turn on. I was glad Dean picked me and planted me in this perfect pasture. Life for us was just beginning and it was  special day knowing that I was joining this family for eternity.

Eternal Bus Ride brings blessings

High school can be such a fickle place. You are either in or you are out. Except for me...at my high school I never really felt in or out. Being a Mormon girl, together with my younger sister we made up the whole population of Mormon kids at the school. The teachers loved me cause I was friendly, helpful had good ethics when it came to my work in class and was I was honest.

After moving from the big smoke of Sydney and attending an all girls high school up until year 10 it felt strange to start at a co-ed school in this Northern New South Wales Lismore region. Up until this point in time I was an "A" grade student. When the shift came I struggled to find my place in my new belongings. Non the less I did find a lovely group of friends, ones that were neither popular or considered nerds. Most of my friends where your average country kids, most having to travel like me from far and wide to get to school on the old Kirklands bus line. I felt like that old bus was my second home. After having to travel on it for at least an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon it felt like my social life consisted of an eternal bus ride. That's probably why my best friend Debi and I clicked so well.

When we first moved to the district my parents had not sold their house in Sydney. The day they went to sell at Auction was in 1989, Paul Keating the Australian Treasurer, Bob Hawk was our Prime Minister and the whole country was just struck with 18% interest rates...needless to say the house did not sell but my parents took a huge leap of faith and moved us anyway. Coraki being the tiny town that it was and still is did not have any houses to rent so for the first 18 months we lived in the sleepy beachside community of Evens Head in a house that was older than my 97 year old grandmother. Actually the house was the first house built in that area. 1 Cashmore St Evens Head. For that 18 months my sister and I were the very first kids on the bus in the morning at 7.05am, and the very last ones to get off in the afternoon at 5.05pm.

After a couple of lonely days catching the bus when we first moved I decided I needed to make a friend. A tall girl with curly golden hair always got on the bus at the next stop of Woodburn and sat in the seat in front of me. I had noticed at school over the couple of days that I had been there that she was in my grade. Debi was a quiet girl, not real confident in her walk and I think did not want to be noticed by the bullies on the bus so stooped her head down into a book and did not often look up from her pages until we had reached the school over an hour later. I am a real socializer so it appealed to me that she was in my grade and was a quiet person who had a friendly smile and I had a hunch that she was someone whom I knew I could talk to without being rejected. I was right. After traveling on this bus for three days and not saying a word to anyone it was killing me so when Debi plopped herself down on the seat in front of me I introduced myself to her and instantly we were friends, best friends...we still are today. Debi invited me to join her circle of friends and then all of a sudden I had a great group of kids that I could hang out with.

Once Dean and I had gotten engaged the news spread like wild fire at school. I had just settled into school over the course of year 10 and 11 and had made some lovely friends but there was always the kids that didn't like me and so it was a tough event to go through in a way. Preparing for our life together at the same time as preparing for my High School Certificate felt very odd...probably because it was odd. It did not feel wrong just strange. Lots of comments and questions came in from my friends and peers at school.  Those that did like me asked all about our wedding plans and those that didn't like me...well those comments were the comments that scared me for a very, very long time...suggestions like..."He's only marrying you cause he is blind, if he could really see you he wouldn't want you" or "If he is so blind then you will never have money" The first statement really cut me to the core. I never felt that I was beautiful but that statement really made me feel worthless and above all it made me feel ugly. Being bullied in this way was a terrible feeling. But I was lucky because I had so many other friends and family supporting me that I didn't totally get to me.

Years passed by and I had 3 children and they went to the same school as the girl who had made those comment to me. I had to face this women often. I don't thinks she would have remembered what she said in those immature teenage years, but I did. It scared me internally. But you know our children became friends and I made myself the decision to forgive her teenage remarks. To this day I learned to love this lady and turn the other cheek. It has been one of the greatest accomplishments of my life...to forgive someone that hurt me badly without even telling them how I felt or needing to say I forgive you out loud. I have learnt that the way I feel about some one or something is a decision I make in my mind. I am not a victim of what others bully me with and I can decide to learn and love from each experience in life. By deciding to love I am a winner.

Under the Dome

We were officially engaged on the 8th of June 1991.

In that big old convent house my Mother decided it was okay to give Dean his own bedroom, considering the fact that she had also given my best friend from high school, Debi, a bedroom to live with us and we had 10 bedrooms what was one more, right? Dean did have his own house in Lismore but because of the cost of fuel coming in and out of town I think Dad and Mum justified that it would be more economical for Dean to stay over the night. I really don't know how Mum did it. I have 4 daughters now and 3 of them are teens. There is no way I would let a boy stay over night. She was on the prowl every night making sure we all went to bed in our own rooms. Dean was and still is #thegoldenchild and my parents have always loved him...he can do no wrong so I think they felt he was worth the effort to keep him around, perhaps they even quantified the fact that he was older and is a great example of a member of the church and would help their own girls stay on the straight and narrow path. While Dean was at our home for longer periods of time I was able to observe how he functioned more than when I just saw him socially.

When Dean studied I noticed that he used a huge dome type magnifying glass. The dome on this thing was huge, I mean #StephenKing #UndertheDome size. Well maybe not that huge but non the less it was thick and heavy. It was a hand held magnifier that had no handles, just a dome of thick glass the size of the palm of your hand that weighed about the same as a 300ml can of #coke. Dean would hold his reading material up to his face, almost within an inch from his right eye...his good...not so good eye, and stooping his neck forward he would hold the magnifying glass up against the reading material and move the lense from left to right on top of the page one word at a time. Each word would appear to explode from the page from the normal font size to around an inch in scale. And this is how Dean functioned.

 Instead of studying myself there was often times I would help Dean out by reading long passages of his text books to him. To my surprise Dean had a photographic memory to anything he listened to while studying. I just had to read it to him once and bam! The information that we just read seemed to stick in his brain like glue and he was able to recall the information in a snap. It is amazing how the human brain adapts. For me to do that it was impossible. I am the type of person that has to read, re-read, make the study material into a song of some sort and sing it to myself over and over until it sinks in...Not Dean, read it once, or listen to it once and it is in his brain and can be recalled in an instant!

After talking to him over his ability to do this he explained to me it was the only way he was able to learn at school. There was no special needs adaptive technology teacher in his country school of Tamworth. He had a really good mate named Steven who would sit next to him and verbally tell him what the teacher had written on the board. Without Steven, Dean tells me, he would never had gotten through high school. We are forever greatful for his mate Stephen.

Mr Darcy

Dean puzzled me with his inability to see clearly, his ability to ride his push bike. I asked him one day how did he know where he was going and how did he know when traffic or pedestrian were near. He assured me that he could see well enough to ride and that he followed the white line on the side of the road which is pretty much all he could see on the road. The rest was left up to his other senses. Dean rode his bike to university every day, my high school was on the downhill side of the university so he would ride past my car. He left notes under my windscreen wiper of the #Toyota Hiace that would let me know he was thinking about me. Not necessarily love notes but notes written in thick black marker on ripped out university note book pages usually asking me for a lift here or there after school or telling me we should catch up. Deano was pretty black and white, no fluff kind of guy. I think Dean saw this as his way of making time for me and somewhat dating. I just saw it as Dean, being a really nice guy,one who was pleasant enough to hang out with' still not realizing that this was Dean’s approach to dating me seriously.

One day my parents went away for the weekend. With nothing to serious on the boil between myself and any other prospective date they thought it safe enough to leave me their 17 year old daughter home while they visited my Grandmother. Little did they know (or did I know) Dean had other intentions. On the Sunday morning he called me up and asked me to come and visit him at his house…knowing that my parents would not approve of my visit to a single young man’s abode I invited a couple of friends to come on the journey to Lismore with me.

We waltzed into his home with not much of a thought of what to expect in fact I was kind a little dirty at Dean as he had just cancelled on a date that he had promised me previously so I was going to let him have it and perhaps that why I wanted my back up crew there to help back me up when I let him know that you just don’t ask a girl out on a proper date and cancel….it’s just not on!

To my surprise Dean was sitting in the lounge room quietly and I let him know that I was really let down…but as I was saying this to him those crystal blue eyes started to water and the young man before me started to sob. Had I really been that mean…was I the worst person in the world…how come he was crying…it was Dean who cancelled the date not me….I didn’t get it but none the less it was a little embarrassing to have my back up crew their watching Deano in his dismay. I asked my loyal friends to retreat outside while I took time with my heartbroken friend. After they left Dean said to me that I had been on his mind for a while now and that he thought he had lost me….I was a little lost myself with this conversation as I didn't really know I was in the running for any potential love interest just a casual date or two and perhaps a hang out in the arvo after school. I really didn’t know how he actually felt….I stood there with my eyes widening and asked the sad faced young man before me what he meant.

Right there and then Dean said that he had been praying about a woman to marry for time and all eternity and he had a dream that it was me but didn't know how I felt. His dream consisted of me in church speaking from the stand and him sitting with our children in the congregation. (I am a sucker for dreams as I am a real dreamer and many of mine have given me warnings and prompting throughout my life.) So I asked him what he was going to do about it…that’s when it hit me….What would my parents think. They left me and trusted me not to gallivant with boys while they were away and here I am with a young man…not a boy…and he has all but proposed to me…before Dean could answer the first question I shot another question at him…”What will I tell my parents? They will kill me” Deano had dried his eyes by now and his answer was calm and direct…”I will tell them you are going to marry me”

So there you have it the no fluff guy had a no fluff proposal and I kind of liked it…a bit cave man….he did not ask me he just told me and sometimes that’s just what a girl like me needs…to be told…cause I do enough telling other people what to do and with Dean being such a gentle sole when he says something with direction and purpose you know he means it.  Sometimes I think I would have liked to be whisked away on a hot air balloon ride after being woken up early in the morning with a bedroom trail of petals to the front door and taken to a field of green with love notes scattered across the field but alas that is not the Mills and Boon kind of guy this man is made of. He is just your regular country boy who would jump in front of a barking dog to save his girl from being attacked (this actually happened) Deano reminded me of Mr Darcy from #PrideandPrejudice

When my parents got home that evening and Dean asked my father for my hand in marriage. My mum cried cause she adored Dean. My Father said he was only too happy to give me away .  I was the daughter that gave him lip. He then wished Dean good luck…I remember thinking…Good on ya Dad! So there you have it, the date that never happened, and the proposal that really wasn’t a proposal, but it’s all the truth, and despite Deano trying to convince all our mates (with a wink in my direction) that I was the one who told him we were getting married, he knows the truth. Besides it’s in black and white you must believe everything you read! Or is the saying don’t believe everything you read! You decide for yourself ;)

My First Blind Date

So many stories that I would like to share with you about the life that Dean and I have created for each other and I know it will take a life time to share them so I better get cracking cause half my life is over already

After knowing Dean for nearly three months how did he do it? I mean how did he manage not to tell us the extent of his blindness and how is he coping with his life? How was he doing the day to day tasks that I find very normal but put a blind fold on me and see how I cope then.

The week after Dean's Dad John had visited I started observing Dean and really watched for the way he moved and how he dealt with everyday happenings. I noticed that he scanned the floor left and right with his head before making a move from one point in the room to another. I observed that in church when he was asked to read aloud in class he was pretend he was shy and ask someone else to read instead. I saw him pour a drink for himself by holding his index finger just inside the cups edge so he could feel the water as it hit the almost full point in the cup without overflowing. It was fascinating to me but very normal to Dean.

I never have asked Dean why he did not tell anyone about his condition in the early years but I suspect it was a matter of pride. To be able to function day to day without be labelled by society as useless is something I have never had to consider in my own life. But me being me I could not help myself and so I took my curiosity into my own stride and quizzed him outright. 

Dean had finally had the courage to ask me out on a date and of course without even thinking I said I would  love to go to the cinema. So there we were, I was driving on very dark country roads at 7pm on a Friday night, taking my blind date to the movies and this is when I took the moment to ask the all important question "What can you see?" and his reply stunned me "Right now I see nothing but a few lights when cars come past us out of the corner of my left eye. During the day I can see a rough outline of a person, no details or facial features, in good light I can see colour contrasts but in really bright light the glare is overwhelming so I don't see much at all."  

So why are we going to the movies? It kinda seemed preposterous to me but at the same time enthralled me to know how this date was going to work. It was all very exciting as I was being absorbed into Deans world. When we got to our destination it suddenly dawned on me that I would be Deans eyes on this date. Dean came around to the drivers side of the car and opened the door...like any respectable boyfriend should. He then took my arm,,,,like any respectable boyfriend would. He then whispered in my ear..."you smell so nice" He made me feel confident and loved and beautiful...just as any respectable boyfriend could. I suppose in this situation I could have felt like a guide dog just there to guide him around but that is not Deans way, he was smooth in his demeanour ...so I was pleased to have him by my side and take him into the cinema, let him know where each step was in the dark and guide him to our seats.

The movie that we saw was starring Kathy Bates "Misery" Not the most romantic movie to see on a first date but non the less we enjoyed ourselves. I am sure that the people in the movies sitting around us were annoyed by my constant whisperings to Dean throughout the movie because I didn't want him to miss out so I told him all about the scenes and what was happening in the quiet moments and so forth. My movie commentary on that night really set the standard that I have had to live up to ever since. But we have learnt not to annoy others when going to the cinema. We always try to chose a least popular spot in the cinema so I can whisper to him without irritating those around us. Going to the cinema throughout our 24 years has been our most popular date...I guess my commentary is still at a high #RichardBenaud standard as Deano has never complained.

Where it all began

It all started when I was 14. Sitting in an English exam in an all girls high school, Penshurst Girls High. The hall was so quiet. 150 plus girls sitting at tables all in rows with only the whirls the fans and the distant traffic making movement in my head. I really hate English as it is not my most accomplish subject. My heart is pounding as I am a nervous exam sitter. I hate to lose and as such it makes me very nervous to sit a test to see how well I am doing at anything.

"Turn the page over it is time to read your paper" announces a voice of authority from the front of the hall. At first the words are all a bit of a blur. Perhaps this is because I needed glasses, perhaps it was the nerves or it may have been the dyslexia that later on in life I have discovered effects me profoundly, non the less the words were there and not much sense was being made in my head.
I closed my eyes took a deep breath and let my heart rate drop a little before saying a silent prayer."Please God, help me calm down and understand this passage so I can do well in this exam, Amen"

To my amazement I opened my eyes and felt calm for the first time that morning. I started to read the passage. I can not remember the passage word for word but I do remember the content and I can recount the story. There was once a young father who lived at home and was a single dad to one loving daughter. The daughter went to school everyday and the father stayed home to look after the house and take care of the house work. The father in the story was illiterate and the daughter who was about the age of 9 would assist her Dad in preparing the family meals. Money being a scarcity in this small household every purchase counted. The dad wanted to surprise his daughter with a lovely afternoon treat of lychee and ice-cream. He went to the pantry before his daughter came home from school and opened a can of what looked like lychees, but once the can was opened he realised that the can contents was in fact pealed potatoes.

I got to this point in the exam and my heart sank. I just felt for this parent. I wanted to help him. My eyes began to fill up with water and my nose began to drip. All I could do was imagine how hard it would be to be a parent who could not read. I sat up in the exam and looked around. Why was i the only one crying? Didn't any one else read the same story I had on my paper. I began to sob a little and mourned the missed opportunity for that parent to surprise his loved child....Am I going crazy,,,perhaps I am...or maybe not.

Sometimes in our lives we are touched by moments that will effect us forever, This was one of those moments for me that came flooding back to my memory when I met my now husband Dean.

I am a firm believer that when an opportunity comes into your life to appreciate others and assist them on their journey then you must take it and run with it. This is what has dictated my life's decisions and I can't at all say that it has been easy but I can say that it has been worth it.

When I was 15 my parents decided it was time to leave the big smoke of Sydney and take their 4 girls to the smallest country town they could find on the map in NSW. The took us to a town known as Coraki population 801. It was just a 30 minute drive from Lismore and a 50 minute drive to Ballina. For me it was an adventure of a life time. To my sisters especially my oldest sister who worked for my parents at the time it was social suicide. My two younger sisters just came along for the ride. Now having 4 teenage daughters of my own I know why my parents took us to Coraki and sometimes I wish I could make that same decision to escape the traps of teenage years myself. But with social media how it is today I don't think there is anywhere to escape to.


I went to Lismore High School and met a great friend who caught the bus with me every day. I wasn't a boy crazy girl but I did have a type of boy I liked, Jason Donavon was the type of young man I could see myself with, you know the good looking boy next door with a blond wave at the front of his hair and a lovely smile.

 I was settled into the new routine and being a Mormon girl loved going to church and taking my new friends with me and being part of this loving community. I was given the opportunity to chorister for our church so every Sunday I would wave my arm in the air to the time of the music and lead the congregation in the hymns. I was 17 at this stage and had never really had a steady boyfriend. Just the odd guy who wanted to kiss me at any party I would go to but not really anyone who ever asked me out on a date. I really think that my parents liked it that way.

One balmy hot Sunday while I was waving my arm to the music a young good looking man walks into the chapel a little late but none the less very confident in his walk. He sat down in the front row and with me looking down on the congregation I got a really good look at this fine piece of Gods workmanship. He was wearing a tawny coloured suit with a skinny tie and brown leather shoes. His hair was like a golden wave that framed his crystal blue eyes that appeared to twinkle when they looked in my direction.

When the hymn was over I took my seat in the congregation next to my younger sister and whispered to her... "Did you see the guy that came in late? How hot is he!" My darling sister leaned over to me and silently said back to me with a wink "He is so cute but I am way to young, you can have him" My sister was 14 at the time....I just laughed. The church service seemed to go on and on forever and then finally after the last song and prayer I noticed my youth group leader approach the dashingly attractive young man...they talked for a little while and then I took my cue to introduce myself.

It turns out that this heavenly looking young man named Dean Nicholson had just finished serving a 2 year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and had come to Lismore to study an Environmental Science degree at the University of New England. He was late as he had to catch a taxi cab and the cab got lost. He did not know anyone in town and needed a lift home. I took this as my cue to enlist my mother to invite Dean over to our house for dinner and then we would take him home after. Mum thought this was a great idea and so did Dean (I think)

At my house we learned that Dean could not drive as he had poor sight, non the less he loved to cycle and had brought his bike to Lismore with him as his first choice in transport. Dean grew up as one of 6 siblings with 2 boys and 4 girls making up the mix and although he was born in Wollongong his parents moved to Tamworth when he was 4 years old, so he grew up in the country and loved the country life. Wow! Not only was he good looking but he was a cowboy to boot! I really wanted to spend some more time with this young man.

Every Sunday Mum offered to pick Dean up for church and bring him back to our place for dinner. Mum just loved being a host to Dean. Dean was so nice to talk to, never disagreeable, always kind and made time for my little sisters as much as he did for me. Mum fell in love with Dean before the rest of us and treated him like her own son. If Dean mentioned he liked chocolate cake mum would have one on the table in a flash, if he said that he had a hankering for a lasagna Mum would make herself busy in the kitchen whipping up her best packet mix Italian pasta. My Mum is just a sweetheart.

Church always had us busy. If we were not going to church dances or participating on a Sunday there was always a beach activity or a swimming carnival to go to. After 3 months of getting to know Dean whom was 21 at the time I began to see him as a great friend. Never considered him as a love interest though as he was 3 years older and I was only 17. Never the less I did spend a lot of time with him. 

The swimming carnival was late one evening on the Gold coast and it was getting dark around the pools edge. Dean stayed very close to my side all night. I just thought he was being super friendly. When we got into the back seat of the car we were getting a ride home in he took his left hand and placed it on mine and linked his fingers through mine. My heart raced a million miles per second. Not a word was spoken between us just a tight squeeze of my hand let me know that he was thinking about me. So many thoughts rolled through my mind. I am still in year 12 why does he want to be with me? Wow what will i tell my friends? Should I keep this a secret? Will he ask me out on a date? What will my parents think? It was the longest ride home but the most exciting and romantic thing that had ever happened to me at this point in my life. When we got out of the car Dean gave me a polite hug and said goodnight.

Still to this day I wonder what were the thoughts going through his mind during that journey home but the one thing that was clear to me is that he did intend on making our relationship as friends a little stronger and I felt the same.

Dean became the Young Men's youth group leader in our Lismore area of the church. We would often go to the Gold Coast to meet other youth groups for church dances held in the Isle of Capri chapel. It was such a long trip there so we would camp overnight. On one of these nights it was raining and all of the girls did not want to get out of the car to put the key in the gate to unlock the gate to the camping area. So Mum asked Dean to get out and put the key in the lock. Dean being so kind and obliging did as he was asked and got out in the rain. As the headlights lit up the area in front of the car, through the beams of light catching each water droplet it looked as though Dean was disoriented. He walked with his arms out in front zig zagging like he was stunned by the headlights, almost looking like he was drunk. All of us thinking that Dean was pulling prank laughed at him as he felt his way across the car and slid the door open and sat in his seat defeated. That night we were stunned to learn that Deans eyes did not work at all at night and in fact he had total night blindness. A hush blew over the car and I quickly got out of the car in the rain and put the key in the slot to open the gate. Everyone apologised and the incident was not mentioned again for a very long time.

Later on that week Dean thought it was a nice idea to come and visit me in Coraki. He rode his bike 23klms in the middle of the afternoon heat to see me. At this point in time my parents were renting an old convent from the Catholic church and as such it had huge verandas that surrounded it and and stained glass windows along with dark ornate stained wood staircase that reminded me and my sisters of the one from Gone with the Wind. The hall in the front foyer was rather dark compared to the outside light of the sun so it was no surprise to mum that when she asked Dean to come in he tripped on the front step but what did surprise her was what followed. Not only did Dean trip over the step he knocked over the hat stand and bumped into the stair railings and took his shoulder out on the door jam to the lounge room. Once Dean got into the lounge room he found his way to the lounge and sat down. Mum being mum quickly offered him a cool drink and sat and made small talk until I arrived home from school. When she heard me pull into the drive way she excused herself and made a dash for the car. I clearly remember her face was like she had seen a ghost. She had so much concern in her voice saying as she rung her hands through the end of her apron " Janelle, Hun,  Dean is here. He has ridden all the way from Lismore in the hot sun. I am really worried about him, he has crashed into everything on the way into the house and he looks like he has sun stroke. I think we better keep him here for the night and keep an eye on him"

Well I wasn't about to disagree with her. I would love to have him come and stay for the night, After all we had 10 bedrooms in this monstrosity of a house and Dean could have his very own room here. After the hand holding episode of a few weekends ago I certainly did want to spend more time to get to know him and it was obvious to me that Dean wanted more time with me, why else was he riding 23klms to Coraki population 801? It certainly wasn't for the fish and chips at the local. This was the fist night we kissed....but I will not go into details and I will leave that up to your imagination. It was just a kiss and nothing more :)

The following Sunday Dean's father John arrived in town to visit him and check on how he was settling in his new digs and University studies. I got to meet John for the first time and we had an interesting conversation about Dean. I mentioned to John our encounters with Dean's night blindness and him running into the furniture after being exhausted after his long ride to my house. John had a little laugh under his breath but as he did his face turned deadly serious. He told me that Dean had a condition known as Retinitus Pigmentosa (RP). He further went on to explain that this is like a form of tunnel vision. Dean had less than 10% vision and was considered legally blind and had total night blindness. Dean was going to lose all of his sight over the coming years and would need to use a cane in years to come. Wow what! Can you repeat that? (I thought to myself) Dean with those beautiful crystal clear eyes can not see...and further more he has 2 blind siblings his older brother and youngest sister also have RP. This is a hereditary condition that is a recessive gene that will be passed onto his children.

After learning all of this new information about Dean one might think that I would not want to have a relationship with him, maybe too much for a girl so young to handle. Perhaps one might think there are way more fish in the sea, why take the one that is damaged...but to me Dean was perfect just the way he was. Those inconsistencies about him made Dean who he was. A young man willing to give life a go and not sit back and let life pass him by. He was my Jason Donovan but only better...Dean has his good looks but does not see me for my looks he sees me for who I really am and sees my potential. Dean right there and then taught me to go after the things I want in life and don't let anything stop me. It was at that moment when John was discussing Dean's eye's that the story from my exam came flooding back to my memory. The Dad that could not read...but was still making a go of looking after his child. I could suddenly see my future with Dean and our family.

 There was so much more to learn about Dean and there still is...his ability to experience life differently to me fascinates me even 24 years later...and this is what my blog is about...our family, our experiences and how we manage to make it through this world together...I hope you enjoy this blog as I see it as my journal of the true blessings that have accrued in our life and that will yet occur.